©2018 by Oasis. Proudly created with Wix.com

Our Recent Posts

January 9, 2019

December 9, 2018

November 13, 2018

Please reload


Please reload


Please reload


January 9, 2019

Life's weird. 

When I think back to my younger days, I feel a sense of emptiness. I don't remember a lot of my childhood/adolescence. I remember the big things: family vacations, friends’ birthday parties, field trips, however, when I try to reminisce about things that happened to me  and my feelings it starts to all run together. As a kid, I tried to always keep a smile on my face no matter what. I wanted to make sure that my parents were never worried about me because they already had a lot to deal with, but over time my positive attitude, smile and my self-confidence began to fade.  

But still, I never wanted anyone to know about the bad feelings and thoughts. So, I hid them. 


I realize now that when I pushed the sad, anxiety-causing events (big or small) deep down into my memories, it, in turn, blocked out those years as a whole (dissociative amnesia). For example, my sophomore year of high school was not my favorite time and now I don't remember anything from that time of my life. Every day I would wake up and try to shove the previous day’s events deep, deep down and I believed that if I didn't think about it, it didn't happen. Of course, that was not the case, nevertheless, I would put on a happy face for my parents and my peers, but as time went on, those memories faded.


When I think about difficult times like that, all of my emotions come rushing to the surface but I can never pinpoint where the emotions are coming from or what caused them (which is the complete opposite of what I intended). Some things do pop up in my head randomly (at the worst possible times) and when that happens I immediately try to get rid of them, as if a can delete them from my brain and then empty the trash bin. 

My main issue now is that I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy and, in result, I obsess over what "being happy" feels like. I spend majority of time either stressing over how to achieve it (happiness), or being terribly sad and annoyed that I can feel every other emotion but. 

I long for it. Fein for it. But I’ve forgotten what it is "supposed" to feel like.


I know I have over a zillion things to be happy for and I often times feel so guilty. 

I know I've been happy before. I've seen the pictures and listened to the stories but it's always like I'm hearing about someone else's life. 



Please reload