This world is scary for women of all ages, especially black women. Everyone is telling me I need to protect myself. I’m afraid of going to the grocery store. Even getting out of my car and walking up my driveway at night. Fight these men/women may not be the best option if I’m ever in a sketchy situation and I know I need to have some alternative ways of protecting myself (peeper spray, taser, knife, gun, etc). The most effective would be a gun. My friends and coworkers talk about getting one for protection. Some have one already. For me, I know that I don’t need to have one of my own just yet.
My mental state fluctuates. I have great days, good weeks, alright months, and even bad days; every once in a while there’ll be a period of time (one day, two days or sometime a couple of weeks) where I am at my lowest. I sink into my self hate and sit in it. It’s during those times where I have my most suicidal thoughts. So, I know that if I owned I gun, I would use it on myself. A quick fix. A split second of not caring could turn into a lifetime of hurt. And I am well aware of this, hence why I do not want a gun.